I've been with my husband for 9 years, married 3. I met him when I was 18. We have one 5 year old together. Things have really not been going well between us for about a year and a half I've been thinking about divorce for about 9 months or so. We've talked about it we tried counselor told us that she couldn't really help us as we have no connection and do not perceive the same problems in our marriage. Those were her exact words! He used to drink alot and had been physiy abusive in the past but we've worked through that it's not the reason for divorce. He is emotionally absent and doesnt really even know me. I am 27 he is 40 and I am his 3rd wife. He says he is just the way he is and although it's ripping me apart I don't have the right to ask anyone to change. But I do have the right to be happy and so does he. He's already talking to other women. So now were at an impass; an awkward stage where we both know what needs to happen but it's not done yet. We still live in a condo together which we own. Basiy I want us to go our separate ways and work things out mutually. I think that in our case this could actually work out, although I know in most cases it does not. I would like to stay in the home with my so we don't have to throw too drastic changes on him at once. We've been discussing him paying the mortgage for a period of 5 years and half of daycare costs. When the 5 years is up I move and he can sell the home or live in it or whatever, it would be his at that point. We both have crazy work schedules and he is on the road alot so we have agreed to equal time with our but not a set schedule except for holidays. this way he can have him when he's home and wont time if he gets sent out for a week or more. My problem is that EVERYONE including my mother and lawyer is telling me I'm an idiot and that this scenario never work once we are in process of divorce. That I need to protect myself and go for sole custody because of his violent history. I don't really want to do that, he's been sober for a year now and loves our to death. I know this is not gonna be, but does it have to be nasty? I keep hearing how I'm setting myself up to get steamrolled and that I need to take the offensive . I dont want to be that girl but I dont want to f*ck myself in the process